seksbeat hi all!! add me up there okthx luv u

I'm changing. Sorry for everything i've done t hurt the friends i've probably lost by now. Thank you those who stood by me so long, hoping for this change t finally take place, namely wei ru. Okeh point number is the most important thing that always, always get me into trouble. Making out after i'm drunk. I honestly just fall for people too easily, & i'm probably looking all along for someone t cover the gap someone from long ago left in my heart. From now on, i will party with control i fucking swear. Sorry ben, this being the second time, it will be the last too. I luv u tons u know it i'm so sorry :( Point number 2 & so forth, i will slowly go think. Luv all, i am going back t study for my fucking subpaper, and feeling dejected now. Bye. Haizxz sometimes i amuse myself. Oh ya, i must also stop trusting people so easily! okeh okeh rly gtg study meetup with all my luv ones soon!

i am officially waking up from my grieve because i am a strong girl & although this will not be easy, i am done being in the doldrums. done//\\

NOW FOCUS ON FUCKING PROJECTS THAT ARE BURYING ME 10FEET UNDER. I AM DYING. AREN'T WE ALL?

life is so mundane i swear i need to inject fucking life into my veins. i use 'life' because nothing else is stronger than this word & there is nothing more i need to feel but that i'm alive, & it be a fucking irony because all i want to be now is definitely not living but neither do i want to be dead i just want to be on a hibernate and when i wake up from the season everything will be over, this feeling will be gone & i'll be alive.

life is so miserable & i somehow enjoy the feeling of desolation.

i am alive i am alive i am alive i am alive i am alive i am alive i am alive i am alive i am alive i am alive i am alive i am alive i am alive i am alive i am alive i am alive i am alive i am alive i am alive i am alive i am alive i am alive i am alive i am alive. i am a(fucking)live.

if anyone ever reads my blog t be cheered up, go away i have forewarned you. this blog is a convert. no more happy. friday night have been one of the best/wildest night i have had in a long while. but i cannot afford too many friday nights before i finally get caught. friday night was packed with ethyl chloride, many stolen cans of amsterdam, even more stolen packs of cigarettes, freda, ben, & manfred. i am officially shoplifter_pro, and i am not proud of it because i saw a police car outside the 711, 2 hours later & i am scared i will not steal again or at least i will cut down by a lot. of course, friday night was the most awesome ever because beside all else it was packed with, i was with my best friend most of the time & it just made my night, finally, a non emotional one.





elaborate: freda left shortly after phylicia came back from walking home t get swimming costumes. oh wait i forgot t mention phylicia dropped into the pool together with her handphone while walking home.















in out of the water many times, & we almost drowned once or twice cause we were so out of control.
glenn came, glenn took the journey as well while phylicia & me left for the main entrance of ze condo cause ben the saint came with our delivery of 2 nissin cup noodles! :D

ate smoke back we go.

then i left MG for supper with manfred & ben at macs before we went t 711 for more freebies. got a lil high & a lil more daring we made a trip back there, for the free cigarettes. would love t post the picture of our loot here, but the pig ben is not home i beat. so it was split 3-3-2, i took 3, kept 1 & gave the other 2 to the 2 people in the world that means the most to me, phyl&earl.

now, seriously, i need to stop all these shit. get. my. fucking. life. back. on. fucking. track.

& i will. church is my new hideout. find me @ odeon katong, cornerstone church every sunday 1plus pm.

1) vulgarities
2) stealing
3) shoplifting
4) smoking
5) drinking
6) other means of getting high

bye to frequent all of these mofo!!1 it will be a hardly do, thing from now.

love,



i wanted so much to relinquish the past,
and i had so much i wanted t whisper to you,
so i watched the screen wishing you would stay.
but then you went away.
sleep. i hate sleep. fuck u sleep.

i miss you, & my heart just sank beneath the titanic.

Because we, are forever.

I'm gonna ride this plane
Out of your life again
I wish that I could stay
but you argued
More than this I wish
You could have seen my face
In backseat staring out
Of the window

I'll do anything for you
Kill anyone for you
So leave yourself intact
Because I will be coming back
In the phrase to cut these lips
I love you

I realize my life is very complicating. & sometimes people don't even know which guy i'm like, with. Or even talking about on my blog, but good, keep the mystery & don't let the bitches know! Today the pastors all came over, and i felt so awkward. I just sat on the sofa in an awkward position holding an awkward object like my laptop whilst everyone held their bibles, and held an awkward stare to everyone esp my brother who in return glared at me. played around with my ring, rolled and rerolled my bracelett around my wrist, and ate a peanut butter cookie during the prayers. i just.. don't feel comfortable being "holy" around my brother because he is so condescending that half the time of him talking to me seems like him bragging to me. i don't know, someone said i was hypersensitive yesterday so maybe thats really what it is. jasmine, hypersensitive. bitch. fucktard who did her fucking gdf & medsoc assignment but one got deleted and one got misplaced. hypersensitive. jasmine. yup. goodnight & this is my bestfriend, what a cutie.

hihi its been a really hectic week, rushing projects assignments yet constantly getting distracted by gossip girl!!1 & i just pierced my smiley today it's feeling a little sore now. i've tons of pictures t upload but unlike always, i am lazy to upload any pictures now. & i definitely am not gna post a picture of my smiley piercing because i realized that there is no way, no way at all, to take a picture with my smiley visible and still look glam. hahahaha & talking bout glam, phylicia sent me the pix random people took of us when we were moshing t plainsunset & knn we look fucking constipated srsly the photos better never ever ever evaaaaa leak out or not i will beat!!1

anyway life has been pretty good, for those who didnt know my mother got possessed, she did and uh the pastors have been praying for her and stuff and the thing is purged & my mother is super holy now she hasnt like fiercely scolded me in days and hav been trying t win me over with love. Got somewhat a house cleansing thing going on the coming week with all the pastors and stuff. & two days ago for the first time in months i used a facial cleanser haha i've always been using bathing soap and water & on nights that i'm too tired i even fall asleep with my makeup on i know thank god for good skin or not i GG no RM pocked face liao & one more thing i like the smell of facial cleansers gna use it regularly now

this week alas has also been one of the most mortifying week of my life, going thru so much emotional turmoil regarding school, family, certain mother-fucking-backstabbing-bitch-of-a-friend-not-friend friend(girl), & uh, you. everyone h8s me & everyone should be happy now. xcept me omfg i totally do not sound like a mental patient in need of attention. i.do.not. do not judge me by what i type because i am generally just frustrated & fucked up & in need of love and family attention. seriously. i told my sister today that i don't build walls around myself to people, because i just can't somehow. or can i? i can't put a finger on my current emotions i feel like crying yet i can't cry i feel like i need a hug & a kiss on the forehead from you telling me everything is gna be okay but i know youre not gna be there, youre not. how much hav i given up for love, hav i not sacrificed enough? ok i feel the saline down my cheeks already gtg cut myself next and then carry on my sorrow filled life by cooking my tom yam seafood maggi mee which btw is spicy & seafood and will therefore kill my smiley and inject more pain into my life awesome

signing off,
3m0kiDzX_1991@lifesux.com

I lost my phone today cause i was sleeping on the bus and i just misplaced it, somewhere. feeling pretty jaded now. no obviously not because of the phone i mean i've lost it like another 24561 times already. its you, its you i'm feeling pretty jaded about. you are so close yet so far, and all of a sudden i feel like a kid desperate for that piece of candy across the street in the candy shop, but too many cars are passing without stopping, and i can't cross the street. its up to you mr. traffic light, to put on the green man, give me the green light, and let me run to what i've been wanting for so much, so long. i can't believe how fast this love thing has re flooded my mind and when i tried so hard so stop twice and of course did succeed, this time its real i'm feeling you. don't hurt me again. oh & ess gra tutorial is fucking boring we're learning how to scale images. interesting.

Home now, wearing a oversized shirt, having gay hair, feeling gayful, and hopefully for the third time, this smile it'll last.

hihi i havent blogged for so long this almost seems fresh haha anway hi i've been doing good, looking good(not.), school just started school is awesome friends are awesome everything is awesome. oh but my results haha i got F&F for the two tested subjects but i think the other 2 i got C&something i can't remember but okeh fuck it i'm gna top it this sem hahahaha. not. okeh i'll try. anyway i havent uploaded photos since forever i also don't know i upload for what i don't even know if anyone reads my blog anymore damn sad but ok so i won't upload them hahaha ccb i damn happy i cannot sleep. now don't ask or not i beat

i made a wish tonight! idk, was talking t quinten online & at 11.11pm he said lets make a wish now, its 11.11! so we shared/made our wishes & with all honesty i really hope it comes true

& ive heard this news quite awhile back that the world is ending 2012(some prediction thingum) idk if its true but if it is, there's no point studying and boys no point wasting 2yrs in NS!! anyway the news has tingled my nerves, got to start going back t church soon hahaha 4 more years world end liaozzzzzzzzzzzz bai all u suckers u better start going back t church too oh and on a random note, a lot of people were at siglap today and honey malt crunch is no longer the sex cause now mango sorbet is hahaha